feeling

I hate it!!! Mom just called, said I can only move into my new house at mid May.. sob.. sob... why need to wait for so long wor... I bear the payment, but she just can not understand it. Every bill or interest is on going for the house, but leave it empty. Such a brilliant idea to ask the "ang kong" !!! May be I will just move in when everything ready, no need to let her know.....

I am in frustration!!! Frustrated with the works, frustrated with dead line, frustrated with changing schedule, frustrated with bank! I just want to register online banking account for my credit card. During card activation, the customer support told me to go bank and get the pin. I went to bank, the "profession" told me need to have saving account's ATM card, then only can get the pin for activation of online account. So, I opened the saving account and get the pin to activate online services. Erm.. not right, I still can not see my credit card detail in my online account. I called the customer support again. Well, I have been told I need to get another pin for credit card, and create another online account. Seems like the data not sync between saving and credit card system uh! And actually I do not need to have ATM card at the first place, but use the credit card at the ATM machine will do. Aiyo, different story from different person. So, visited bank for second time in...

I was so surprise when got the news from radio in the morning, the death of Micheal Jackson, the "King of Pop". I am not his fan, but I do listen to his song all these years. One of my English class teacher was using his song as educational material, to make the teaching more interesting. We sang his song in the class... Heal the World! "Thriller", "Billie Jean", "Beat It", "We are the World"..... R.I.P MJ. Heal The World - Micheal Jackson spoken: Think about the generations and to say we want to make it a better world for our children and our children's children. So that they know it's a better world for them; and think if they can make it a better place. There's a place in your heart And I know that it is love And this place could be much Brighter than tomorrow. And if you really try You'll find there's no need to cry In this place you'll feel There's no hurt or sorrow. There are ways to get there If you ca...

I can not sleep well again. This few days, sleep late at night, but wake up very early, only sleep for 4~5 hours. Yupe.. it is caused by working pressure. Sigh.. too many tasks, too many issues to follow up. I just done the yearly planning, well, as usual, the boss will set goals for me. It's does not matter to me. Every year, the goals will be set, once I see them, I already know I won't able to make all of them completed by year end. It is the dream of boss, not really my career planning. Want to achieve this and that, wanna do this and that, improve here and there. Hmmh!! Everything sound so perfect and easy!! Practically, I have my daily tasks, which are boring and not value added to my career advancement. I wish I could have do something different, some research, some development, something.. different. Ya.. I can see the challenging tasks in my goals, really hope this year I can achieve it. Not like the previous years, set the goals, then it had been parked there. :( W...

I back to home town on Saturday. Mum already started the preparation of reunion dinner, which on the next day. Pity... I was too tired, not able to help her much. After long haul of hectic works for past few weeks, especially few days before CNY holiday. And the boss triggered my anger during this super hectic schedule. :( Can't sleep well and tense for few days. sigh... The bad mood haunted me for couple of days, in this festive season.. oh.. gosh!!! Shake my head, knock my brain, hope to throw away all frustration. I was praying at temples, wish to have a good health and smooth year ahead. This year, my home's atmosphere was peace during CNY. haha.. I haven't got a peaceful CNY for years. Mum didn't yelling at us during preparation of reunion dinner, sister did wake up earlier and gave helping hands. :) Grandma doesn't talk non sense anymore.. or I pretended not listening. :| Very boring holiday, at home for few days, eat, watch TV, take nap, eat again... tasteful...

Now is mid night, what the hell I am still awake? I thought I can have a good sleep, cause I did not have good sleep last night, woke up early in the morning, and after a day of super hectic work in office. But after such a harsh day, I am still awake. :( My sleep been disturbed again. It started yesterday, in the middle of sleep, suddenly awaken by big bang sound of slamming door. sigh... Why some people just be so ignorance? I did politely inform them to be gentle with the door. Well, it worked for couple of weeks, then night mare haunted me again. I managed to have deep and sound sleep for past few weeks, with the aids of pills and aromatherapy, peace and quite nights. But too bad, the improved condition been break. I don't know how long will I need to get it back to normal. You will just need a second to break the whole effort I spent in improving my sleeping problem. "Moving out", that is the plan in my mind, browsing the net to search for room for rent. Yeah.. got ...

Headache... :( I was feeling well since last night, thought of having good rest over weekend. But guess what? I was waking up by slamming door, in the early morning of Saturday. sigh.. Now, suffering from headache, bad mood. Sky is clear, windy outside, should be a pretty weekend morning, but I am not in good condition. sob.. sob.. must find a way to relax myself.

Last day of the year. Workload a bit relax, left office earlier and have very exhausted workout. :P This day should have a good ending for the year. I received a SMS from a friend, who confessed to me a mistake that he had made. This is a very cruel of truth, hit me badly, crying out loud, couldn't stop. Called buddy, I need someone for me to talk with. Ya... felt better a bit after talked to buddy. We then met up at Gurney, it was New Year eve, I should be joyful to leap to new year and new hope, do not think about annoying matter. We watched a comedy movie. After movie, thought of join the crowd for countdown event, but seems like the atmosphere at Gurney not excited at all. Then we went to Chulia Street to eat supper. I heading home before 12 midnight. Listen to radio, the DJ was wishing everyone Happy New Year. Yeah.. HAPPY New Year, I wish I can be more happy and get rid of all frustration. On the way home, I saw Penang bridge had been light up with colorful lighting. I saw fi...

Something is missing. Could it be I lost interest in my job? Could it be I was too too busy for past few weeks. Could it because of someone? Could it be my sleepless night that cause me so moody? Alone at home this weekend, I am hugging my bear bear, and feel missing... miserable.. :'(

Feel so frustrated!!!! Boss thought all tasks can be done in just a finger click. For him, of course can be done. All he has to do is, write a sentence, send the mail to delegate the tasks. :( So, I need to be brilliant enough to interpret that one line sentence instruction. I think I am stupid, cause most of the time I can not get the clue what to do. The delegation info is too brief for us to understand task. :( If want to personally ask him, if you lucky enough, you will be able to catch him immediately to get further detail, else, you might need to wait for hours. Sick of waiting, sick of lacking info, sick of lots task pending. I already started the task at the first moment I got the list, and today, he sounds pathetic and asked, how come the submission not done yet? almost a week, since Monday. Adoi.. I got the list from him on Wednesday, don't know he purposely forgot the date or what? !@#$%^& I am very hurt, when the boss underestimate my capability, I am working very ...

I already lost my target in working life. Nowadays, working is merely my responsibility. I have to commit the tasks that assigned to me. I do not have passion to go further advance. I was not like this few years back. I had career vision, I knew what I want to achieve, I set the target and work hard and smart toward my objective. Well, that was the past. Now, I lost my motivation, I can not do what I plan to do. At the end of the year, we will have review session with boss, to evaluate the performance of the year, and planning for coming year. For me, the planning still pending as a plan. How come so difficult for me to implement those task? Am I not efficient? Or am I too efficient and need to take up more responsibilities? My interest is to involve myself to explore deeper to my domain knowledge, so that I can know how to improve my current working process, make it better, make it more productive. I am very tired of my daily routine. It is repeated exercises. Attend more meetings, e...

I awoke at 4++ am, tried to get back to sleep again, but failed. :( Since I have so many pending tasks, I login to company network and start my work of the day. It is Friday, and I start my work in such an early hour. :(( If only I can get off earlier today (cross my fingers). Last night, I continue my work from home after back from office, till 11.30pm. Boss is not around this week. I can eat snake?? No way... I have tasks to be completed, and some more, need to follow up those tasks of my boss while he is not around... pity me.. TOO LOADED, in term of workload, but not income... sigh.. Sky getting bright outside, time to wash-up and go to office. I know it is still very early, but I really have too many things to do. Next few weeks will be very busy for me too, as the project going to due. I NEED A BREAK.. I NEED HOLIDAY....

STressSSS strEsss Stressss..... OVER loaded this week, all were not planed adhoc tasks, meeting. Works non stop in office, super tired when back home. But poor me, I can not sleep well at night. I sleep for 4 hours the most, will wake up in the mid night and then can not sleep anymore. I feel my shoulders very heavy and stiff, facing laptop too much? or the responsibilities getting more and heavier? sigh.. I guess both reasons cause the pain. Met a friend after work. Our topic was about bosses. We complaining our bosses, boss only know talk talk talk.. after all talking, delegate the tasks to subordinates. sigh.. existing work still in progress, new tasks been assigned again. Don't know how to clear all the assignments. We not able to chat too long, but I felt a bit relief after voice out my dissatisfaction.

I collected my blood test report yesterday. I do annual blood test, all the while the result very good, but this time, there are some flaws in the report. My cholesterol exceed the normal range and have symptom of thyroid. I had been advice to get further checkup in hospital. So today, I was in hospital, waited for 5 hours there to consult the specialist. What a long waiting. Luckily, she said I should not be having thyroid problem after reading my blood test report. But, I got family history, so, she advice me to have a follow up check up after 3 months. For past a year, I constrains my emotion. Most of the time, I do not express it on my face. Sometime, I was in deep depress, but I still wear a smiling face. I do not want people around me to notice it. Sometime, I will just keep quiet all the day. Sometime, I will eat a lot, thought of can ease the pain. Sometime, I eat a lot of chocolate, hope it can give me some relief. I cry a lot at night, that is the only time I can free ...

Now, it is 1am!!! Why I am still awake?? I am so headache. I don't want to be awake. Actually, I went to sleep before 11pm, but I was awake by the noise, the noise of banging door, not once, but several times. I have had very bad quality of sleeping this few days. I was very very tired during day time, and think of getting sleep earlier at night but every night will awake after fall sleep for one hour or less. :( Then, it will be a sleepless night for me for the rest of the night. I feel so exhausted. I am taking pill to help me to get better sleep... again.. sigh.. But, it will not help as the root cause is not from my mental problem, it is from the noise. I wondering if need such a strong arm to close the door?? If I am back at home, my mum sure will scolded me badly. We are not allow to bang the door, it is annoying and according to old folks, it will chase away the good spirit at home. I wish I could have a peaceful home, I wish I can have a good dream (if only I can fall slee...

Globally: the opening of 29th Olympic 2008 at Beijing. The honors of Asia and Chinese. Locally: the romance couples register their marriage. 8 is a fortune number, especially for Chinese. Personally: It's time for me to reborn. For some reason, I realize I had been a fool for past a year, I should not let myself suffer further. I should have relief myself from pain long time ago (and I thought I did. sigh.. ). Thanks for true friends that give me support all the time. They might not by my side all the while, but did listen to my grumbles all the time.

I went to buy Big Apple at Tesco Alor Star again, but I was disappointed, the price raised to RM2.20 per piece. When I was choosing the donut, I reliazed that the quality had drop. The donut a bit out of shape and the topping not as attractive as shown in the menu. Some topping looks like it had been displayed over night, not fresh. :s No customer was there except me. I think the sales of the day was not good either, as the making of the donuts was halt too. What's going on? They going to ruin the brand. Not sure if they can sustain longer.

Why I blog? I blog when I want to share my travel experience with friends. This way, I write once, and can share to all. I blog when I am lonely. I have something to tell, but, nobody around me. So, I write it down, I talk to myself.. I blog when I am happy, when I am sad, when I am frustrated, I relief my emotion thru writing. If the feeling is too personal, then I will write it in my diary, instead of sharing it here. If someday, I look back at the previous records, I can reveal those that I had missed out. I might interpret the same situation in different way, at different time. I might recalled memories that I had buried deeply in my heart. My mind will fall into the past... I had took medicine for past few days, it make me feel exhausted. I decide to stop it, hope the allergy won't occur again. You can guess... Tonight, I feel miserable.

One day, the manager told you, hey.. your promotion has been approved, BUT, it will only take effect in another half a year. uh?? another six months? why? errr.. HR need to schedule the things. So, tell me, in this case, the performance recognition is by merit or by quota?? When the rewards does not been given in time, it will lost it purpose.

I can not sleep tight again. :S I woke up around 5am, decided to go office earlier, since can not fall sleep anymore. I am now in office. Have lots of tasks pending in my schedule. :( Wish today is not a bad luck day for me.